Of kisses and hidden crushes
by hyugapineapple
Summary: Kenma thinks his feelings go unrequited. Kuroo begs to differ.


Kozume Kenma was completely and hopelessly in love with Kuroo Tetsurou.

He knew it. He knew it for a long, long time when he first noticed how beautiful his best friend looked in the light of the sunset at age of 13. He knew it when Kuroo grabbed his hand to pull him up after the blonde's fall from his bike at age of 14 and Kenma realized just how soft and warm Tetsurou's skin felt against his fingertips. He knew it when Tetsurou stared at him then laughed softly at Kenma's pout when the other refused to get out of the bed and play volleyball at age 15. Kenma realized that Tetsurou's chuckle was one of the most beautiful sounds he could ever hear. He knew it when he saw Kuroo's worried frown when Kenma fell ill and had to stay in bed for almost a week, missing all their practices and their usual meetings at Kuroo's porch at age of 16. Kenma concluded that Kuroo was too beautiful and too kind-hearted to worry about anything in this world.

And he knew it now, at the age of 17, as he stared at the brunet who was sleeping peacefully in Kenma's bed.

It was another usual night for them. Kuroo dropped at his place around 8 PM as he did it every Tuesday and Thursday - the days when they didn't have volleyball practice. They did their homework, Kuroo tutoring the blond and helping him when Kenma stumbled across some complicated task. Then they played some games and watched several movies with Tetsurou commenting with his best poker face every detail of the movie, having an amused Kenma hitting him, trying to shut him up. Then they went to bed, chatting about random things as Kuroo slowly fell asleep while Kenma played on his mobile. When Kenma finished, Tetsurou was already in deep sleep, his hot breath hitting Kenma's slightly pink cheeks while the other admired Tetsurou's facial traits.

Kenma stared and thought. He admired Kuroo's long lashes and the shadow they formed on his cheekbones and thought about how kind and loving Tetsurou was. He looked at his strange hairstyle and meditated about how Kuroo's laugh made his insides churn and twist in excitement and something...warm and endearing. He liked to think that it was love. Kozume glanced at Kuroo's sharp jaw and his straight nose and contemplated about the way his best friend made him feel every time he smiled or pulled him in a hug. And of course, he gazed at his lips, those rosy, plump and soft looking lips of Kuroo Tetsurou and he thought about the countless times when he wanted to kiss them.

But he couldn't and wouldn't do that.

Kenma wasn't blind nor stupid. He understood that Kuroo would never let him hold his hand or wrap his arms around his body or love him the way Kenma ached to. He knew it that he would never get the chance to kiss the brunet or look in his eyes and tell him that he loved him, that he adored him with his whole heart and that he couldn't live a day without him. He knew it that Kuroo loved him too. But it was not the same kind of love. Kuroo would never fantasize about kissing Kenma and holding him tightly in his arms as they shared the most intimate touches and whispers. It was impossible. Because they were best friends. Best friends don't do such things.

Kuroo was...Kuroo. He was attractive, smart and charismatic. He attracted plenty of people, both males and females. He had from where to choose. He'd never look at Kenma. Hell, Kenma wouldn't look at himself either if he was in his place. Kozume was boring and...plain. He was skinny, short and not very handsome. He was not exceptionally smart, well built or very sociable. He'd rather isolate himself from others and play games or read rather than going on dates or socialize in general. He'd rather munch on his apple pie and admire the sunset rather than partying or going out. He was boring, so he accepted the fact that his best friend wouldn't cast a second glance at him if it were to choose someone as his lover.

Kenma understood. Kuroo most likely preferred loud, charismatic people, people who knew what they wanted and how to get it, not for awkward, shy boys who hated human interactions. He was sure that his best friend went for tall, gorgeous men or women. He deserved something that would match his looks, not a short, skinny body with a plain, boring face. He felt a pang of something bitter and suffocating in his heart everytime he thought about his chances with Kuroo. He always brushed it off and blamed it on his tiredness or maybe hunger. Kenma wasn't jealous or hurt. He understood.

Yet he found himself staring at Kuroo's face again and he bit his lip to hide his soft, sad sigh. He felt so envious of those who were lucky enough to fall in love with someone who returned their feelings. Bonus points if they were old, close friends. He wanted the same. He wanted Kuroo to love him and stare at him with the same adoration that Kenma felt everytime his eyes landed on Kuroo while he looked away. It was unfair. Very, very unfair. But he couldn't do anything other than holding back his "I love you's" that practically burned his chest in their need to be spoken. He couldn't do anything but bite his lip and look down, ignoring his growing need to hold Kuroo and never let him go.

Life surely sucked for Kenma Kozume.

After a few more seconds in which Kenma kept looking at Kuroo, the blond averted his gaze and shifted backward a little, as if he feared the fact that Kuroo might have heard his thoughts and he needed to look for an escape. He thought about getting out of the bed to maybe head out or at least stare at the night sky from his balcony to get some fresh air. But his limbs felt weak and sluggish so he dismissed the idea almost immediately.

Deciding that sleep would be a far better idea, the blond nestled comfortably in the small space that his bed provided and sighed again, ready to fall asleep. And he would if it weren't for the fact that Kenma found himself staring at Kuroo's face again.

"God damn it." The blond thought, glaring at the brunet as if it were his fault that Kenma couldn't tear his eyes off of him. It probably was.

A sudden thought popped up in the blond's head. A stupid thought, to be fair. Reckless, even, but so, so, tempting. Kenma felt his cheeks coloring up and his breath hitching lightly as he analyzed the possible outcomes for his actions. He wanted to try to do it. After all, a peck on the cheek wouldn't scream "I am in love with you and I've been like this since my pubic hair started to grow, please love me back.", right? Okay, maybe not that kind of message, but still. Innocent pecks on the cheeks or forehead were a friendly gesture, weren't they?

Still, he found disadvantages as well. Kuroo could get suspicious if Kenma decided to kiss him out of the blue. They both knew that Kenma was not a tactile type of person so this kind of actions could provoke a whole interrogating session and Kenma's secret wouldn't be a secret anymore. He couldn't allow that to happen. Another drawback was Kenma's fear that Kuroo might see that gesture as something disgusting. He knew that Tetsurou liked boys too, but that didn't mean that he would accept a peck from his best friend. As irrational as it sounded, Kozume was still considering this outcome. He didn't want to destroy their friendship because he was stupid enough to kiss him.

"But you could kiss him right now while he sleeps." A voice whispered in Kenma's head. "It might be your only chance to kiss him, ever". The same voice punctuated. Kenma had to admit that it made sense. Kissing him in his sleep could be his only opportunity in his whole life. It would be the closest he could get to Kuroo when it came to romantic gestures. It was worth a shot. Nothing bad would happen. Kuroo seemed to be dead asleep and Kenma was going to be very careful. Just a quick peck and things would go back to normal. He hoped.

Taking another deep breath, Kenma leaned in, awfully slow and careful, watching the brunet with alert eyes, looking for any signs of consciousness on Kuroo's face. His breath grew heavier as he tried to inhale and exhale as calmly as he could, trying to muffle the insane beat of his heart in his chest. He was so, so, so scared and anxious. But at the same time, he felt a tug of excitement and impatience in his chest. He couldn't believe that he was about to do it.

But of course, of course, that something had to happen. Why was he even surprised?

Right when Kenma's lips were about to touch Kuroo's cheek, Tetsurou had the fucking audacity to decide that it would be a good idea to move. Exhaling peacefully, the taller male shifted in his sleep and tilted his head a little. Everything good, if it weren't for the fact that his movements caused Kenma's lips to be pressed against Kuroo's ones. Wonderful.

With wide eyes, Kenma scrambled back, mouth slightly agape as he stared at the other. His cheeks burned like as if he was placed in some overheated oven and Kenma was pretty sure that his chest would burst open if his heart continued to beat with that insanely fast pace. This was bad, this was **very, very bad**. And the worst part?

Tetsurou stared back at him with identically wide eyes and slightly parted lips.

Kenma felt his eyes stinging with tears and he bit his lip, not being able to avert his gaze. That was it. Kuroo will sit up and leave his room, disgusted and angry at him. He won't wait for him in the morning so that they could walk to school together. He won't smile or wink at him when they passed by each other on hallways. Kuroo won't put all his trust in Kenma's tosses and tactics at practice anymore. They won't walk back home together and they most certainly won't have any sleepovers anymore. All because Kenma was the biggest idiot and dumbass that this world ever had. What was he thinking? It wasn't some game or the plot of a shitty shoujo manga or romantic show. It was real life, things didn't work like that.

He was about to swallow his tears and sobs to apologize and crawl away from Kuroo, already accepting his fate when Tetsurou moved again. Gently, he cupped Kenma's cheeks and wiped the few tears that rolled down his cheeks and pulled him closer.

Then, he kissed him.

The kiss was a real one this time. The brunet moved his lips slowly against Kenma's ones, making the blond widen his eyes even more, freezing in Tetsurou's arms. He was right, Kuroo definitely had the softest and sweetest lips. Not that he kissed other people before. Slowly, he closed his eyes and returned the kiss. He knew that he wasn't the best kisser and that Kuroo definitely had more experience than him, but Kenma didn't let that bother him. He wanted to savor that moment for as much as he could before he had to face whatever consequences his actions provoked.

When they pulled back, the blonde wanted to whine, the sudden absence of Tetsurou's lips over his mouth being almost too much for him. He slowly cracked his eyes back open and was quite surprised to find Kuroo smiling at him, his thumb still caressing Kozume's cheek gently.

"Please tell me that you didn't kiss me because you're a sleepwalker." Kuroo murmured, half joking and half serious. Kenma's cheeks took a deep shade of red and immediately looked away, hoping that the taller boy wouldn't notice his ridiculously bright blush. He glared at the duvet that the two of them shared and shook his head slowly.

"You already know it that I am not sleepwalking." was his short answer and Kuroo laughed in response. He snaked his arms around Kenma's middle and pulled him closer, burying his face in the blond's hair as he inhaled Kenma's scent and sighed peacefully. Kenma could only blush more (if that was even possible) and return the hug, still confused as hell. Was Kuroo sleepwalking? "You didn't turn into a sleepwalker either, did you?" he asked, just to be sure.

Kuroo cackled again and shook his head, humming a "no" in response. Then, he pulled back a little to look at Kenma, his gentle smile still on his lips.

"I'll assume it that you're having an equally huge crush on me as I do on you." the brunet beamed wider, his eyes remaining soft and caring. Kenma could swear that he saw a frail blush on his cheeks as well, but he decided that he was just tired and he started seeing things. Probably. "Either that or I'm imagining things and my unrequited attraction to you will stay unrequited till the rest of my life." Tetsurou finished, staring right into the blond's eyes. The said boy gazed back into Kuroo's eyes, shock and disbelief written all over his face while he processed his words. When he decided that he was definitely not dreaming or imagining things, Kenma buried his face back in Tetsurou's shirt and clutched his shirt in his fists, too embarrassed to look at him anymore.

"You assumed right." He managed to mumble in response, smacking Kuroo's arm gently when the other laughed, louder this time.

After a few moments, the brunet wrapped his arms securely around the other boy and squeezed him a little, pecking his hair lovingly. Kenma breathed surprised but decided not to say anything. He had no idea how to respond anyway.

"We'll talk about this in the morning, okay?" Kuroo whispered quietly. "But what I want you to know right now is that I've been waiting for this kiss longer than you could imagine." he finished, the smile evident in his voice.

Kenma stared at the other's shirt with wide eyes as his chest swelled with happiness and the same warm, endearing feeling that he felt when Kuro laughed or hugged him. It was definitely love. Finally, he closed his eyes and snuggled closer to the brunet's body, hiding his wide, face-splitting smile.

"Me too."


End file.
